All Hail the Rationality of the New Sub

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All Hail the Rationality of the New Sub

Sub frenzy turned me into a pot of bubbling hormones that exploded all over the ceiling 20 times a day. I couldn’t think my way out of my own kitchen, let alone through a healthy relationship. The only thing that had rental space in my head was my domly boyfriend.

Well, him and his mouth and his cock and his tongue and oh god I’m going to melt into a lake of oxytocin and drown. I had all the mental faculties of a toddler. It was delicious and debilitating all at once, but I was more interested in the tasty parts: More submission, more frenzy, more deliriousness…

And more







I threw away caution and focused on pushing our dynamic to new extremes. I was so addicted and elated I might as well have had a needle in my arm. All hail the rationality of the new sub.

A lesser dom would have exploited me in that state. Even after my frenzy had dissipated, which took months, I didn’t want to think about which brand of power exchange I wanted. I thought I owed my next dominant all of my “yesses” and none of my “noes”. Guess how many years it took to recover from that one.

Figuring out who I am as a sub has taken me years, and I’m still only halfway there. I work on it, though, because not knowing has got me into more trouble in D/s than any other failing. Self-awareness is the sharpest tool in my self-protection drawer. The trouble is if you're a sub, your own wants are probably your least favourite things to think about.

And if you're a sub, your own wants should be your most important priority.

That’s why people always tell new subs to take it slow. Dating in frenzy is like walking through a crime-riddled neighbourhood carrying thousands of dollars in your fists. Decent people won’t take advantage, but how do you know Bonnie and Clyde aren't hiding around the next corner?

BDSM is as complicated as quantum gravity. Some of the things we do can kill us. When surgeons want to perform potentially fatal procedures, they prepare. They make sure they have the right tools. They read 50 textbooks and speak to 60 professionals who know better than they do. They go through reams of clinical trials and create complicated consent forms.

A person in sub frenzy mainly just goes, "I need to get laid fucking now did a squirrel just fly past my vision field ohmigod I think I need a man to superglue my clit!!!"

If you're not in sub frenzy, you can tell the difference between my surgeon and my sub. If you are in sub frenzy, you probably think I am a surgeon and hope I have a penis long enough to reach halfway across the world.

If all you can think is, “I need to get laid, I needtogetlaid, Oh my fucking god I needtogetlaid,” maybe the last thing you need is to get laid.

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