A munch is a casual lunch or dinner with other local people who have an interest or experience in BDSM (Bondage & Discipline, Dominance and submission, sadomasochism) and/or Fetish. Most munches are held in family restaurants or at BDSM Clubs where no 'play' or fetish wear is permitted.
A munch is a great atmosphere to meet like-minded local people, discuss a variety of topics, make friends, and get validation without people behaving "in role".
The following are some frequently asked questions regarding munches:
I don't have a partner.. Can I come alone? Will I be safe?
There are usually both submissives and dominants (and Tops and Bottoms and Switches and Fetishists) who come to munches without a partner. If you're not entirely comfortable doing this and the munch is at Infinity Club Cape Town, contact us via chat on the website or email at firstname.lastname@example.org and we will be happy to take you under our wing and introduce to you everyone to make you feel comfortable and safe.
A munch is not a place to 'pick up' partners, and dominants and submissives treat each other with respect. While it is possible that flirtatious comments might be made, "No" always means no, and should you ever feel that someone is not respecting that, please let anyone of the Infinity Management Team know.
I/We are not into all that heavy play.. Will I/we be uncomfortable?
Munches include people of the entire range of BDSM interests, from light Dominance and submission to those involved in heavy physical aspects of S/M, and everything in between. While you may not be interested in everything discussed, you will most likely meet others there with interests close to your own. Diversity is celebrated in the BDSM community and any consensual and safe practices or ideas are usually readily accepted.
There's no pressure to have interests you don't have in most groups. We get many people who are nervous before attending that they may not be 'BDSM enough' and find complete validation of their interests and 'level' by others who feel the same.
I/We are not very experienced (or have no real life experience). Will I/we feel out of place?
Not at all! Almost every munch has at least one other person there with little or no real life experience and it's not necessary to be experienced to attend munches.
Munches are a great place to see that BDSMers are not perpetually dressed in leather and carrying whips and chains. They are a great place to get information and insights from those with experience, learn about the different aspects of BDSM, ask questions, and just feel comfortable around others who feel the same. For those of us who have to 'hide' that part of ourselves around friends, family and co-workers, it's very liberating.
How many people usually attend?
Generally from 10-25 people, depending on weather and schedules.
One thing to keep in mind.. a high percentage of people who attend munches are somewhat shy in groups. It's completely acceptable to be quiet until you feel more comfortable. Don't assume that everyone knows everyone else, because in most cases, there will be others there who are also new.
Am I in the right age group? Will I be uncomfortable?
Ages of those in attendance are age 21+. Within your first 2 or 3 munches you will probably meet others your age. Even if most others seem older than you, or younger than you, you already have common interests so should feel comfortable.
What should I wear?
Most people wear whatever they normally would for lunch/dinner with non-BDSM people.
Do people use their real names ..or what..??
This is entirely up to each individual. Within the kink community, privacy is highly respected and the need for it understood. While you can use your real name, many people chose a nickname that they are known by at munches and when they play. It is perfectly fine to use that.
You might want to use the same nickname online and in person, if possible, to avoid the "I'm Sasha, but I'm email@example.com in email, and wiggleyworm444 on this other website" introduction problem.
How should I address others?
Well, "Hi, I'm [nickname]" usually works just fine. Just address people by whatever name or nickname they give the group. Dominants and submissives are on a completely equal footing. No submissive is required to call anyone "Sir" or "Ma'am" or to do any sort of serving -- and no dominant is going to ask for such.
Another thing to keep in mind is that in most cases you won't know whether someone is dominant, submissive or switch unless they happen to tell the group. Please don't make any assumptions. Many times the shy people you meet are dominant and the more assertive ones are submissive.
Are there questions I should NOT ask people? What CAN I ask them?
It's acceptable to ask people any non-intrusive question. Start out getting to know them slowly. It's usually OK to ask where others live or what type of work they do. Their answers will be as vague or precise as they are comfortable with sharing.
Some people are very comfortable sharing intimate sexual information, but the majority are not.. at least not at first. Common sense will let you know how much you can ask, and if you're in doubt, ask their feelings regarding certain activities rather than if they engage in them, or share your feelings on topics and invite their responses.
Conversations will also generally cover the internet and computers, websites, local clubs, stores, and toys.
I'm really nervous.. should I just forget this entire idea?
Nope, everybody felt that way at the beginning, dominant or submissive alike. I don't think I've ever met anyone who wasn't nervous before their first munch.
Here are a few comments from around the web about the experience of attending one's first munch:
I remember before my first munch I was terrified.. don't know what I expected.. lots of leather and stern faces I guess ..lol.. nothing could be further from the truth.
Your first impression will likely be "Gosh! they're so-so-so ..normal!!! " *G*
I was really REALLY nervous... for about the first 2 minutes.. then I felt completely welcome and part of the group and had a GREAT time!
Some of the people I've met at the Munches are well on their way to becoming very, very close friends of mine... they understand things that my vanilla friends just "don't get".
It was incredible to us that what we'd been talking about, and guessing at, had already been identified and discussed by others before us. Talk about serious validation! It was so great to see that 'our' ideas about a structured relationship and interaction between two distinct personality types was not only upheld, but celebrated by others!
As an additional note, if a munch announcement asks you to RSVP, please do so.. If you RSVP and something comes up preventing your attendance, PLEASE write the organizer to let them know you won't be able to attend.
This article was posted with the permission of https://chicomunch.com/